I’m guessing you are doing social interaction wrong.
You are supposed to talk about them, matters they bring up or have interest in. Social interaction is mostly a circlejeck where people talk about themselves and matters of their interests by proxy, without talking about themselves or matters of their interests.
Transfer of information has nothing to do with it.
Not trying to challenge that it feels like that for you but that’s quite different from my own experience. Not that people don’t like to talk about themselves but for me it’s more about finding common ground than just mirroring them.
In “How to Win Friends and Inflence People”, the author found that people that were described as great coversationalists are usually the ones that look like they are actively listening and not talking much.
That may very well be true but that’s a very analytic way of handling things and one that will probably make social interactions quite unpleasant and stressful. I think you can be a good listener and an interesting conversation partner without effectively becoming a people pleaser. It’s just more sustainable long term.
I interact with people that way, and find this very pleasant : trying to guess what subject they will be happy to talk about is a fun game, makes people happy, and is interesting most of the time. And from my experience, most people end up doing the same thing with you, and offer you some time to talk.
Now as you wisely said, we are a lot of different people with a lot of different way, so you’re right defending that there’s no ‘superior’ way, but there definitely is a way where being a people pleaser is pleasant :D
I’m guessing you are doing social interaction wrong.
You are supposed to talk about them, matters they bring up or have interest in. Social interaction is mostly a circlejeck where people talk about themselves and matters of their interests by proxy, without talking about themselves or matters of their interests.
Transfer of information has nothing to do with it.
Not trying to challenge that it feels like that for you but that’s quite different from my own experience. Not that people don’t like to talk about themselves but for me it’s more about finding common ground than just mirroring them.
In “How to Win Friends and Inflence People”, the author found that people that were described as great coversationalists are usually the ones that look like they are actively listening and not talking much.
In my own experience this is is correct.
But also, the evidence that that guy mostly used in his books is “That’s what I reckon this week”, not something scientific.
Just FYI, to reckon is to figure and recon is short for reconnaissance, so to investigate/scout behind enemy lines or metaphorically do the same.
Thanks, fixed
That may very well be true but that’s a very analytic way of handling things and one that will probably make social interactions quite unpleasant and stressful. I think you can be a good listener and an interesting conversation partner without effectively becoming a people pleaser. It’s just more sustainable long term.
I interact with people that way, and find this very pleasant : trying to guess what subject they will be happy to talk about is a fun game, makes people happy, and is interesting most of the time. And from my experience, most people end up doing the same thing with you, and offer you some time to talk.
Now as you wisely said, we are a lot of different people with a lot of different way, so you’re right defending that there’s no ‘superior’ way, but there definitely is a way where being a people pleaser is pleasant :D