This is off topic of the main thread but the chart was eye-opening to me about the order of love/belonging and esteem. Much of my insecurity drives from not having a girlfriend or any intimacy, but the only way to get that is be socially adept, but I’m not because being socially adept is a lower priority on the hierarchy of needs than intimacy.
Many, many people feel pressured to get a partner because it basically is a status symbol that conveys that you are successful, likeable, desirable.
…That isn’t how healthy relationships work.
People are not commodities you can buy, they are not a reward at the end of a video game questline.
You have to be at a point where you you feel secure enough in your own life and your own personality that you can actually have a successful relationship where both people respect each other’s boundaries and don’t become resentful.
Ironically, most people who are seeking a mate… because that is a status symbol, because they feel pressured to, because they think that will fill some hole in their life…?
That is actually a major sign of immaturity and insecurity.
Those kinds of people are more likely to end up in unstable, totally transactional, or even abusive relationships.
…
Don’t feel insecure or let people bully you because you don’t have a mate.
Become ok with yourself first. Stop hanging around people who mock or belittle you, they are bullies, and bullies bully people because they view putting other people down as a way to make themselves feel better about themselves, to gain social clout amongst other likeminded bullies.
I know its especially hard to find in person group activities these days, but there may be some … sports, in person tabletop groups, volunteer at a food bank or shelter, book clubs… these things do still exist, and if your goal is just general social experience, maybe make a few friends, they can help you out with that.
I do have some friends but no relationship. I don’t just want a relationship because others have one, I want one because I have an innate desire for a relationship. I want to love and be loved, and make love too.
This is off topic of the main thread but the chart was eye-opening to me about the order of love/belonging and esteem. Much of my insecurity drives from not having a girlfriend or any intimacy, but the only way to get that is be socially adept, but I’m not because being socially adept is a lower priority on the hierarchy of needs than intimacy.
Many, many people feel pressured to get a partner because it basically is a status symbol that conveys that you are successful, likeable, desirable.
…That isn’t how healthy relationships work.
People are not commodities you can buy, they are not a reward at the end of a video game questline.
You have to be at a point where you you feel secure enough in your own life and your own personality that you can actually have a successful relationship where both people respect each other’s boundaries and don’t become resentful.
Ironically, most people who are seeking a mate… because that is a status symbol, because they feel pressured to, because they think that will fill some hole in their life…?
That is actually a major sign of immaturity and insecurity.
Those kinds of people are more likely to end up in unstable, totally transactional, or even abusive relationships.
…
Don’t feel insecure or let people bully you because you don’t have a mate.
Become ok with yourself first. Stop hanging around people who mock or belittle you, they are bullies, and bullies bully people because they view putting other people down as a way to make themselves feel better about themselves, to gain social clout amongst other likeminded bullies.
I know its especially hard to find in person group activities these days, but there may be some … sports, in person tabletop groups, volunteer at a food bank or shelter, book clubs… these things do still exist, and if your goal is just general social experience, maybe make a few friends, they can help you out with that.
I do have some friends but no relationship. I don’t just want a relationship because others have one, I want one because I have an innate desire for a relationship. I want to love and be loved, and make love too.