I feel this to my core. I had a pretty successful career in army special operations, which ended after ten years with a few years of extremely heavy drinking, which ended with me getting out of the army and getting boatloads of mental health treatment, which is ongoing.

When I was at my peak, though, my most prize characteristic was my intellect. Now, though, my short term memory is measured in seconds, my working memory is like five digits at most, I forget words many times per day, and there’s many more examples.

It’s been absolutely crushing to remember such high performance, but be incapable of it now.

:(

“removed for violating youtube’s terms of service”

I mean, I’m 30 and a non traditional college student. If the weather is agreeable, I have a few nice sweaters that I’ll wear with an undershirt, dark jeans, and I’ve got a pair of Loake boots that are very nice.

I feel GREAT when I dress like that, and get quite a few glances throughout the day. Also my wife eyeballs me as I leave the house.

I have a stark reminder of the worst period in my life where I did the same. The “account performance” chart in an investment of mine showed steady growth and monthly inputs, then there’s a cliff, and over a period of a few months, it’s completely emptied. Thousands, easily. And the vast majority was fast food and liquor

Okay but how do I make it

Chlorine trifluoride, go on

That AIN’T GOIN ANYWHERE

This story concerns war and death, if you want to avoid those kinds of things.

I was 18 years old. I was an Infantryman in the US Army and had been in Afghanistan for a few months, when my platoon responded to an IED strike on another platoon in my company, while they were doing a dismounted patrol.

A guy riding a donkey laden with explosives made his way to the center of their staggered column formation (effectively two spaced out lines on opposite sides of the street), before detonating the explosives. It was particularly effective, because walls on either side forced the column in tighter than normal.

This point begins my memories, which are mostly a disjointed collection of visual snapshots.

The first thing I remember is the smell, which I can’t accurately describe, but burned meat, chemicals, and some kind of feces is the closest I can get. It is easily the clearest part of the memory.

The next thing I remember is seeing the severed foot of the man responsible laying in the middle of the road and my immediate and overwhelming impulse was to kick it, since it was the only tangible evidence of a ‘responsible’ party. There were also two generally recognizable bodies in the ditch, as well as several casualties receiving medical care.

From this point it is a series of vignettes. One, I was setting down my radio pack and very clearly telling the lieutenant where it was, since the medics needed extra hands. Another is seeing one of the casualties smoking a cigarette. The last, and clearest visual memory was holding the hand of one of the casualties as we waited for the medevac bird, and trying to keep the mood light be telling him “hey, at least you don’t have to walk back to base”. I have no clue if he responded.

I have absolutely no memories following that day, for probably months, until another, somewhat less traumatic situation took place.

But yeah, that is the day that pretty much all of my emotions died. On my wedding day, I felt just a flicker of happiness. The only emotion I feel with any intensity whatsoever is occasionally anger.

That’s about all, I’m willing to answer questions of anyone is curious.

I’ve never seen those, but it sounds fun

This was a wonderful comment to read and video to watch, thank you

Ohhhhhh the bernoulli effect?

Why so far from the window?

Ooooooooof

Dr. Disrespect, there was a couple year period where the insane, over-the-top masculinity shtick was entertaining to me. Eventually I drifted away from the games that brought me to him in the first place.

Very recently, news broke that he had sexually explicit conversations with a minor on twitch.

Probably being held at gunpoint by a guard at a Jordanian airbase that I was inside of, doing a timed ruck march, as a US soldier.

I didn’t speak his dialect, so I couldn’t pick up much, but my gut said he was pissed he was on guard overnight and decided to ruin my night, too.

Only like the initial 15-30 seconds were really stressful, it was largely just annoying, since I couldn’t communicate with anyone, standing there with my ruck on the ground and my hands up.