I make sure to trim my hair and beard before I go through airport security. If I’m at all my normal disheveled self they hassle me.

Yup. The other day I was on the toilet and saw a really interesting article. It said “45 minute read” so I saved it instead of starting.

There are steps in between. I think the next one will be company towns. Massive company buys a giant plot of land in the middle of nowhere. Builds a whole business complex there. Offices, manufacturing plant, shipping/ receiving infrastructure, etc. Then they build track housing around it, build a company-run grocery store, a private school completely funded by the business, etc. Invite in a bunch of familiar national chain restaurants, but make sure they’re all franchised, so they’re owned and operated by the company.

Then they recruit. They offer half decent wages. Nothing great, but they sell it to people by offering to pay for moving costs and massive discounts on company-owned houses.

These houses are brand new and waycheaper than a condo in the city! [pre-fab, low-cost bullshit that looks good but disintegrates in a couple years]

Come meet the neighbors! They also work for us, so you’ve got a lot in common! Built-in new friend group! [your boss also loves a block away and pays attention to your social life]

Your kids can go to school for free! [where we teach them to be good wage slaves for the next generation]

Soon, there will be an entire town 100% owned and run by the company. Wages will stagnate, prices will skyrocket. Workers will get in debt, all owed to the company. People will start to realize, but what the fuck are they gonna do? Company owns their mortgage, which is now under water. They’ve lost contact with all their old friends, because they live three hours outside the city and have had to work every Saturday for months.

Viola. Entire areas of wage slaves.

Similarly, I want to know what a reach-around is.

Back home, it meant that when you’re giving someone a bj, you reach around and finger their butthole.

I move out west and people are saying that it’s when a guy is banging a guy from behind, he reaches around and gives the receiver a handy.

In these trying times, America needs to know.

I think it might be this. A lot of traditional media outlets are mad about twitter becoming such a necessity for them. The old guard is mad that they have to cater to this bullshit online platform. The new guard is mad at the fact that the best outlet for breaking online news is suddenly owned and operated by a fascist.

All of them want to say that x is bullshit, but they don’t want to actually lose the clicks/ market share that comes with it. So they keep passive-aggressively calling it twitter.

Drunkenly thinking about it, this is kinda like calling a trans person by their dead name. Except it’s insulting a shitty company led by a shithead, so I’m cool with it.

I have met many, many school teachers in my adult life and the vast majority of them are lovely people. There has only been one who I’d describe as a psychopath.

Alcoholics? Absolutely. It’s a toss-up between teachers, lawyers and nurses for the hardest-drinking group of motherfuckers I’ve ever known.

If I’m a coworker in this situation I don’t care. If I’m a manager in this situation I just don’t bother training them on anything but the basics for the job.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said ‘No. But I want a regular banana later. So yes.’

Bikes are popular in Seattle, but I’m not sure I’d call it a bike-friendly city. Tons of rain, tons of hills, tons of bridges, tons of crappy roads. We put bike lanes in a bunch of places, but a lot of them still have to go through confusing intersections or only cover part of your commute. Add on the new trend of no-hands driving, it’s still pretty dangerous.

My coworkers say that I’ve got resting murder face. When I’m just zoning out not paying attention to anything, I apparently look like I’m actively searching for something rusty to stab you with.

Yeah, but just based on my own prejudices, the antivax community ain’t a huge fan of the Spanish- speaking community.

Scrotapodes.

Ha. Thanks. Like I said, my Deutsch is kinda shit.

There are also weird German rules about article endings. A band I like has a song called “Herz Eines Trache” which means Heart of a Dragon. I don’t speak great German, so first time I heard it I wasted an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out what eine Strache is.