If my job wasn’t remote, I would probably be homeless right now.

Eat?

If I got paid to see the penises I see, I’d get charged with prostitution!

The joys of learning HTML to impress your high school crush with autoplay music on your MySpace profile…

It’s borderline difficult to live day to day knowing what’s going on at every moment.

This looks really nice. Anybody got a link?

Little Caesars is so good when you don’t…

Does anyone just not tip anymore if it’s counter service? It does not require that much effort to take something from a glass case and give it to me.

If you’re actively walking around, giving me and checking in on my meal, that’s when I tip.

At least he’s self aware

:(

When he wants a handjob but you secretly found out he’s been cheating on you

Oh. Lovely.

Boo! False equivalency.

Nice.

See, his mistake was not killing him during a Career Day at an elementary school. If he took out kids as well, he wouldn’t get a terrorism charge.

Put it on an album cover!

I want to eat it so badly

And then I’m sad later when it’s broken

They’re just making things at this point

The DELUSiONAL crack in my left pocket:

Would you say dragon fuck cars?