Oh my bad.

And in junior high they probably didn’t clue you into the bawdier bits of the individual tales.

To be fair, survival bias. This is the poetry that was so beautiful and engaging it was repeated and preserved for 500+ years. I’m sure there were vassals trading japes in Middle English who didn’t rise above the erudition and imagery of your average teenage wastrel shooting the shit in Modern English.

And there is still plenty of good poetry being created, which I can’t always appreciate fully because I don’t get the references or even some of the words. Which will last? Let’s check back in 500 years.

This is true and perhaps it would be nice if the running machine would say, “you’ve burned through 73,000 calories!” But then the Doritos bag would have to say 375,000 calories (75 g, 2 ⅝ ounces, about 30 chips) (edit: Nacho Cheese specifically)

Of course!

Here’s the start of a really good series, all in normal English:

Whan that Aprille with his shoures soote, The droghte of March hath perced to the roote, And bathed every veyne in swich licóur Of which vertú engendred is the flour; Whan Zephirus eek with his swete breeth Inspired hath in every holt and heeth The tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne Hath in the Ram his halfe cours y-ronne, And smale foweles maken melodye, That slepen al the nyght with open ye, So priketh hem Natúre in hir corages, Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages, And palmeres for to seken straunge strondes, To ferne halwes, kowthe in sondry londes; And specially, from every shires ende Of Engelond, to Caunterbury they wende, The hooly blisful martir for to see, That hem hath holpen whan that they were seeke

Don’t worry, the smol puppers and doggo frens don’t care, and theirs is the only opinion that matters.

Aw c’mon, I kind of like yeeted, it’s better than chucked. But then I’m in my 60s so I’ve seen a lot of slang come and go.

Sadly, not anymore. They changed the rules over 100 years ago.

And its partner the hemiclitoris…

I appreciate how filled your time is, and I struggled with consistency myself (still do but my kids are grown, thank goodness). If possible, set a specific Silent Reading Time and sit down with them and your own book. Make it 15 minutes rather than 30, and paper not screens just so you don’t have to keep checking. Don’t have anything planned for the 30 minutes after, so any of you who wants can continue reading longer. Pre-bedtime is one option, unless you’re already reading aloud to them because that’s even better.

By the way, they’re old enough for some of the Terry Pratchett books, like Equal Rites or Maurice and His Amazing Rodents. And you might find a little relief from reality with a Discworld book yourself. When you have to get up and go deal with the dishes or whatever, leave your book open in case one of them is intrigued.

One reason assholes got mad about you doing that was probably because they wanted your attention on them in that moment. Everyone zones out and stares at nothing sometimes but some people are faster at snapping out of it. If the default position for your social engagement switch is “Ignore,” you have a delay while you switch it to “Engage.” Or they’re better at hiding the fact that they’re bored with the person who’s been talking to them. Meanwhile the asshole is already all focused on “Me! Me!”

Gazing at the bridge of their nose might help

Ahoy, Thirsty Aspiring Sword Lesbians!

It’s okay Spidey, she’s not Black Widow

At least with the bag, it’s a reminder to tired parents not to let the child put the bag on its head, to tell the child about the danger, and not to leave the child alone with the bag because they’ll test it.

If they leave the child alone with the bag and a cat, the child will learn 2 3 lessons: fur helps prevent plastic bag suffocation, and claws/teeth can penetrate both the bag and human skin. Also cats prefer to choose whether and where to be enclosed.

70s moreso

He got a bad case of COVID-19, was in a coma, and is permanently paralyzed. Looks like he’s got a GoFundMe for medical transport from Florida to Texas, where he’d have better support and hopefully be able to do voice work.

Yes exactly

Pretty sure the billionaire scourge is worldwide and the list of worst dragons excludes royalty (looking at you, Thailand, Abu Dhabi, Dubai, etc) which tilts the numbers toward the US.

But as for the OP, people in the US don’t use “holiday.” We have a couple weeks of "vacation " annually if we’re lucky. So the source is from elsewhere.

I believe the image is more about young folks today not having enough money to even start a family. Because of wealth hoarding, but by billionaires, not this guy. The use of “holiday” rather than “medical debt” and “student debt” leads me to think it’s not about America at all.

This is cheating because 2 of the 3 are invisible