Have you SEEN inflation prices lately??? Eating off the dollar menu at mcdonalds now requires a second mortgage on your house that you obviously don’t have because we’re all millenials!!!

And you want to talk about not one, but TWO rotisserie chickens??? Hell, it’s actually cheaper and easier to have two chicks at once!

Pssshhhh!!! Two rotisserie chickens…out here talkin’ like the 1%ers aren’t out for blood to take every god damn dollar we all have…making living and breathing financially ubsustainable…to the point the nation cheers a murderer because he represents legitimate consequences for even ONE of those asshole elitists…I mean murder SHOULD be frowned upon by nature, but that’s how fucked we are right now that we cheer even the most violent minimal change…I mean, don’t get me wrong, fuck Brian Thompson. Fucker had it coming. But it’s OUR reaction that is a showcase of how bad life has gotten. People dying in their homes because medical bills are more than they make in a year. And without reason mind you. This isn’t an issue in other countries. You go to Canada, and you cannot FIND a citizen with medical debt. But here WE are, acting like oppressing the citizens is the only way! And NOW we’re in a late stage capitolism boiling point where it really feels like we’re about to revolt into an all out assault on our systems, our country, the elite, the corporations, our asshole neighbor who keeps letting his dog shit in our yard, the guy at the coffee shop who INTENTIONALLY mispronounces your name, I mean really, how hard is it to pronounce BOB without extra vowels??? It’s a boring name. Bob has ALWAYS been a boring name! It’s always going to BE a boring name!!! But you NEED boring names, to make the exciting names actually exciting! It’s like titties. If you have some titties in your face, that’s pretty sweet. But if you get greedy and have 500 titties in your face at all times, you start to lose the appriciation of your loving wife shoving your tities in your face! Now she feels unloved, and it’s all because you went out and kidnapped 499 women to live in your basement to show their titties! You gotta keep it simple, ya know! Let those other women go, and play strip scrable with your wife! She’s a very smart librarian, but she also likes it dirty! She WANTS to show her titties, but you gotta EARN it! You gotta beat your wifes vocabulary in a game of scrabble! Which is really hard to do! So now you’ve lost and you’re stuck doing the dishes for the next month. Which is totally fine. You should be pitching in and helping her around the house anyways. You just like doing it this way, so you can also spend time with your wife and talk about your day as you play scrabble. You knew you were going to lose, but thats fine. You thought you were having a nice night in, but then she says she wants a divorce! Says she feels unfufilled at home, and doesn’t feel like she should have to beat you at scrabble every saturday night just to get you to do the dishes. So now you’re living in a motel 6 for 3 weeks while some shit falls through, and she’s off partying with a bunch of high school kids. Which is kinda weird, because you’re both in your 40s. To be honest, there was probably always some underlying issues she had for decades, and now she’s gone crazy doing things she wanted to do 25 years ago, but couldn’t since she wasn’t the popular girl at school…so now the world feels at it’s absolute darkest, most depressing it’s ever been in your life…and you want to talk about TWO rotisserie chickens…

Peaked? Peaked, Dee? Let me tell you something, I haven’t even begun to peak. And when I do peak, you’ll know. Because I’m gonna peak so hard that everybody in Philadelphia’s gonna feel it!

Daaaaaaaamn. This should be a horror movie concept. A group of college students on campus hear stories of wild orgies down by the lake.

The ones who investigate and participate enter a world of pain. An orgy so hardcore, body hair gets ripped off, and you’re lucky to make it out alive.

Like Freddie Kruger, but horny!

…rip your inbox.

So wait…are you saying you’re a female who likes toes? Or you’re someone who’s fixated on female toes?

Because I’m a guy. My toes are hairy. Well, the tops anyways.

C’mon man. Kelso is CLEARLY a muffin man!!!

Why is your name “Toes” with an emoji of jesus on the cross?

1 warhead = 10 lemons.

They should stick to rapping…

No, I’m not fooled about the price. It costs exactly $59.99 + local tax. Saying it costs $60 is overstating it’s price by $0.01.

I’d cancel any service that did this to me.

Careful…you might start a war!

…do I upvote because I agree? Or downvote because this isn’t an unpopular opinion?

I think you’re the only person on the planet that would have come to that conclusion.

Besides, if anyone was going to be german, it would be blonde doctor.

No, I mean $59.99

And to think…she just wanted to try pegging.

Well, and now trump.

Now you’re making me wonder what this, plus having dementia would be like. Everyday you have no idea who you are, where you are, or who these people are that are ignoring you. Also, you can’t move, or speak, and you don’t know why.

You forgot his yacht full of bikini models.

There was a kid who lived to 7 years old as a normal kid. Then he got hit by a car.

He was then in a coma, but his coma was different. His eyes were open. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t speak. He was just a living corpse essentially.

He was just kept like that. For 30 some years until he was in his early 40s. Then, without explaination, he came out of it.

His mom was watching jeapardy, and she randomly hears him answer the tv “Who is Bill Gates?” which caused her to scream and run out of the room. Which caused him to scream, because he didn’t know what was happening.

Eventually his mom came back in the room, and they were both surprised he was out of his coma.

Except here’s the thing, his coma really was different. He was awake the whole 30+ years. He was aware of every single thing around him. One of the first things he said after all the calamity died down was “I miss ralph.”

And ralph was a dog the family got when he was 15, already in his coma, and died a few years earlier. He never once got to pet this dog, who would curl up with him everyday. Ralph would stick his face into his armpit and russle his arm over him. And then just lay there all night.

His mom was surprised that he even knew ralph.

And the reason this story stuck with me, was he told his mom “there was a day, that sticks out in my mind. It will haunt me to the day I day. I’ve had nightmares countless times about this moment. It was a few years after my accident, and you came into the living room, saw me, and said why won’t you just die already? You’re making everyones life miserable!” Then she walked out of the room.

When he told her that, she began crying, and appologizing. She didn’t remember saying that, but he never stopped thinking about it for 30+ years.

She obviously still loved her son. She cared for him the whole time. But it’s juat that little moment of weakness you say the worst thing.

Anyways, back to jeapordy. When he answered the answer about bill gates, he didn’t think anything different was happening. Everynight they watched jeapordy, and every night he’d answer…except it was in his own head. This time he said it out loud.