"Anything you say can be taken down and held against you - "
“Danny DeVito!”

Try pickled onion - even sharper.

that’s when you send the new offer of a whopping $21.37

Pffft. Next offer goes in at $19.50

Dude outed himself when he told Janice his birthday was the 35th of March.

Misread this as “technically started the Korean War.”

Hrrrm. But, going Dutch and Dutch courage don’t have any specifically anti-Dutch connotation in modern usage and I’ve never heard of a Dutch treat or a Dutch uncle. At least you chaps aren’t French!

Palid McHaggis, hoots, mon, och aye the noo!

Nobody does anti Dutch racism quite like the English.

Really? I don’t know many Brits who have a bad opinion of the Dutch. I certainly don’t; I’ve never met a Dutch person I didn’t like.

Comes of them being conquered by William of Orange back in the day.

Billy the who now?

Being a Brit, for years I’ve jokingly referred to the 4th of July as ‘Rebellion Day’ to my USian friends. Not sure I’m joking any more, just hopeful. Go on. Rebel!

TIL I’d be a big man in Thailand.

Jesus’ head is being used to transmit porn

I’ll take ‘sentences I never thought I’d read today’. please.

I know, right? I often go shopping and buy ingredients and (sometimes) cook those ingredients, then slice them, assemble a sandwich, pack it, bring it to work, put it in the staff fridge and… then… do you know what… I just end up hoping someone will eat it so I don’t have to. Why else would I just leave it sitting around in a lunchbox with my name on?

I remember back in the days of Commodore 64s that you could go to Boots in the UK and just switch the price sticker from a £1.99 ‘budget games’ title with one from a full price blockbuster. No electronic point of sales data, just a bored teenager who knew fuck all operating the till. Good times. Wonder if anyone ever bought the budget game with the expensive sticker.

Pffft, maths is just the language by which we describe some of physics.

I know, right? I tell my kids that whatever science they’re studying at school is just a subset of physics but they rarely understand.

I’d have been very happy to vote for Elizabeth as the first president of the UK Republic.

No, no, no, no. Like this: https://youtu.be/agIEa5Z1KrI?t=48

The… power… It’s too much!

I’m assuming that it’ll target some property of Trump’s that has recently had its insurance significantly bumped.

Trump gets his excuse and the insurance payout and his rabid supporters get further evidence of his exceptionalism.

A nice tall glass of raw ice, please.