I don’t know for certain, but I believe that my ex-spouse told people I knew that I was abusive to them. My ex- didn’t want me to tell people what was going on–they said that it wasn’t anyone else’s business–and I found that over a very short period of time a large number of people that I knew had suddenly blocked me from contacting them. At this point, I only have a single mutual friend from that time period. I’ve never asked him to make a choice, nor have I asked him what my ex- said or did, because I don’t want to put him in the middle of that shit, even though it’s been nearly ten years now.

I see you haven’t been paying a lot of attention to the news.

My first marriage.

I realized it had to end after I had failed to complete suicide, and was in mandatory intensive outpatient therapy. I was listening to everyone in group therapy talking about how awful their relationships were, and how miserable their partners made them, and the really, really obvious answer was, well, just fuckin’ leave.

And it hit me that this was true for me also.

My spouse had been resisting going to marriage counseling for over a decade, controlled all the finances even though I made most of the money, had largely cut me off from the few friends that I had, was verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive, had been rejecting any attempts at intimacy for over a year (to ‘punish’ me, I guess?), and then blamed me for all the problems. I’d started spiraling when they threatened to leave me, had a couple really bad days at work, and then gotten fired for my “bad attitude”. And from there, I got forced to a hospital.

The divorce was… Unpleasant. They lied to all of our friends about what was going on, and I ended up losing all of the friends I had remaining. The only positive was that I got the house and car.

The tool you use to kill is irrelevant, because the tool has no intent. Mens rea is, with the exception of a very, very few strict liability crimes, a requirement for an action to be criminal. A tool can not have intent.

There is no ‘hate speech’ exception to the 1st amendment of the US constitution. That’s a well-established legal precedent that no succeeding court has been willing to overturn.

If you decided to make hateful speech illegal, then it would be perfectly reasonable for Christians to claim that my advocacy for my religion–Satanism–was hate speech.

This isn’t about the paradox of tolerance; the paradox of tolerance refers to a social contract, not a legal framework.

You have the legal right to spew hate and vicious trash. You do NOT have the right to be free of social opprobrium should you do so. As soon as you start legally limiting speech based on what you think is acceptable, you create a legal framework for other people to do the same.

People that are in favor of legal censorship of political speech make the mistake of assuming that the laws will always be applied to censor the speech that they find objectionable or harmful… As soon as you start allowing the gov’t to determine what speech is and is not acceptable, that power will be used to oppress whatever the currently disfavored group is. The words themselves are not the harm; it’s the actions that can arise from the words.

Just be warned that not all bacteria and parasites can be killed with a hard (0F) freeze. IIRC, there are a few parasites found in feral pigs and bear that are very freeze resistant. I think some variety of trichinella? I don’t think that poultry is susceptible to trichinella infestations, but most chickens aren’t kept or slaughtered in very sanitary conditions.

Keep in mind that the temperatures refer to the coldest part; until all internal temperatures are at least 120, you can’t start your timer.

You can safely cook chicken to be medium rare, buuuuuuuuut only via sous vide. You would need to get it up to at least 140F, and then keep it there for between 30 and 360 minutes, depending on how thick the piece of chicken is.

Personally, I would not want to. I enjoy beef carpaccio and steak tartare, i enjoy some sushi and sashimi, but poultry and pork, IMO, should be cooked.

she’s in my political party,

Hol’ up here, pardner. I dunno about you, but I can’t imagine trying to date outside of my political party. I can’t even imagine dating someone that’s religious or even “spiritual”.

I’m not going to tell you how to live your life–I can barely live my own–but is there a specific reason that you aren’t interested, other than the fact that she’s more comfortable with the idea of sex than you are?

Yeah, but lederhosen are just kind of neat. Who doesn’t like their men in short leather shorts, right? (Seriously though, the construction for very traditional lederhosen is kind of neat. I’ve tried it, and it’s a challenge without being able to skive all your seams.)

I wonder how much of the ‘lazy Mexican’ stereotype comes from a combination of an afternoon siesta (…to avoid the hottest part of the day, which could be deadly prior to air conditioning), and the chronic anemia that could be caused by hookworm infestations that used to be common in areas with poor sanitation (incl. the American south; some of the same stereotypes existed regarding rural southerners for many decades)?

First: as someone with a strong evangelical Christian background, I can sympathize with discussions about sex–and specifically about your sex life–being deeply uncomfortable. Unfortunately, that’s something that you’re going to have to discuss with any potential romantic partner, and sooner rather than later. (Because let me tell you, significant differences in sex drive and desire will tank every and any relationship).

Second: Drinks are not necessarily a commitment to anything more. I would prefer coffee (or tea) as a first date since it’s even lower pressure, but many people prefer alcohol because it’s a social lubricant. Your call there. My suggestion would be to start by getting to know the person. I’m autistic (seriously), and IMO the most honest approach is to be direct, despite how hard it is when you want to please people. Yes, being a people pleaser means that you’re going to want to tell her what you think she wants to hear, rather than what you really feel, and that will bite you in the ass, repeatedly. And yeah, anxiety and things like rejection sensitive dysphoria are going to make that exceptionally hard.

Third: you said that she was a ride to a meeting; can you elaborate on what kind of meeting? I’m asking because if this is someone that you’re going to have to see in a professional setting, you do need to proceed very carefully. Workplace relationships–or relationship rejections–can be very fraught.

Last: I’m not as immediately opposed to age gaps in relationships as some people. I do generally think that the (n/2)+7 rule is a decent rule of thumb, but it’s not an absolute. The reason that rule generally exists, IMO, is that people in different generations have different cultural markers, things that were significant in the formation of their personality and worldview, and large differences there can make relationships more challenging. E.g., if you remember 11 September '01 and the political fallout, while she grew up fully immersed in the prevailing political climate, then it might be hard to see eye to eye on some things. There can also be imbalances of maturity and power that can result from larger age differences, e.g., you might be much more set both professionally and financially, which could make the relationship less equal. So it’s something to be aware of and careful about.

God no. Quite the opposite. SSRIs tend to seriously blunt sexual response. The most common effect is sharply delayed orgasms, but it can cause near total anorgasmia, and/or difficultly with sexual arousal at all. Sexual dysfunction and weight gain are the two most common side effects of SSRIs.

Thought that the discomfort in overhead presses and triceps dips was something I should push through. The result was that I tore both a rotator cuff muscle and the labrum ibn one of my shoulders. I’m still recovering from the surgery to put my shoulder back together. :|

If I thought I would actually make money? Sure. But most people that do OF aren’t really making more than pocket change.

I don’t think most people would be interested in paying for first-person shooting competition video–although maybe they would if I had the $8k or so for a VR camera so that it could be immersive–and most people don’t have a huge interest in rope tops. So, eh.

No worries, 's all good. :)

20th, not 19th. The first mention of the dish by that name is from just after WWII.