I have several ol’ reliables:

Grandma’s Boy: “high score? What’s that mean?”

Snatch: “when you’re in reverse, things tend to come from behind ya.”

Tombstone: “i got two guns, one for each of ya.”

Big Lebowski: “he’s a good man Jeffrey. And thorough.”

There’s more, but those are probably my most quoted.

I got into an argument with my dad a couple days ago about this exact thing.

I was bitching that despite being given unlimited power, Biden just fucked off and let the carion eaters have their way with the corpse of America. His response? “It’s all Biden’s fault.” He’s being sarcastic and thinks he’s making fun of maga, but he’s right. This shit is Biden’s fault. And Garland’s, and all the other bitches in Blue. He actually thinks I’m defending fucking TRUMP when i point out Dems fuckups. He goes on and on about how politics isn’t a team sport, but then he engages in fucking tribalism, just like the magats.

It’s infuriating.

Complete non sequitur, but i knew someone about 20 years ago that referred to herself as Sara Tonin. Hope she’s doing ok.

The sign says “No shoes, no shirt, no service.”

You guys gotta wear these. Hands out flip flops. There, all good now.

🎶 The Barber will give you a haircut🎵

Oh really?

Wowowowowow.

Wow.

So is racecar and abutttuba.

Where’s Morpheus?

Keep your money-grubbing franchise-destroying philanges off my boy!!!

Thanks Mr Ms Mr Garrison!

Rookie numbers

Grant was special. I could write a novel just about him and his two younger brothers, and not make a single thing up.

One time, he proudly declared that we could drive over his head with a pickup truck, and all he needed was a throw pillow from the couch to avoid road burn.

…

Those who know, do not speak.

Those who speak, do not know.

Irish Spring to be exact! And i gotta say that first bite of pepperoni pizza afterwards was… pleasant. That’s when i learned about the lye content in soap.

I knew a guy that would dissolve gels inside his eyelid.

Ate a whole bar of soap in high school. I was in a military school, and it was an initiation/bet in a certain extracurricular group.

At practice one day, they asked if anyone wanted to earn $300. All the hands shot up.Then they asked if anyone wanted to eat soap. All hands drop. Then, they asked if anyone wanted to eat a bar of soap for $300. Me and one other dude raised our hands again. After practice we went back to the dorm of one of the group leaders where they laid out the rules: entry fee is $25. One bar of soap, cut into six pieces. The four smaller pieces are too be eaten in one bite, chewed minimum of ten times, and swallowed. The two bigger pieces had to be bitten in half, chewed, and swallowed. If you got all the soap down, you had to keep it down for 15 minutes. If you get this far, you keep all the entry fees of everyone that’s failed before you.

Guy before me taps out halfway through. I finish, and hold it down for the required 15 minutes, as the leaders get more and more agitated. After i win and they give me my money, I’m informed that I’ve just ruined the party they hold every year after the last major inspection is completed. Turns out, they’ve been running this scam for years as a way to grift money from younger members to fund their own shenanigans. I’m told that I’m not to return to practice the following day, as I’m not longer a member of the club.

Joined yearbook instead, and bought a lot of pizza for my friends that semester.

Me neither. We’re so unlovable, even the bots stay away!

What is this, like, the opposite of occam’s razor? The least likely, most esoteric possible explanation is the true one?