[to cashier] “excuse me, ma’am, i can’t seem to find the button to not leave a tip. can you show me where it is?”

I am not “boy”, I am “Supreme Commander Gazbog, trilord of the seven kingdoms, archduke of omicron perseii 4 & union leader of the teamsters local 644”, and you will address me as such…

my father was this way - i didnt get to know the real him until i was in my mid-late 20’s. though i think its great that he can be himself again, there is a bit of resentment that i didnt mean enough to him to stop working for once and interact with me on a human level while growing up.

we arent super close, but we are friendly to each other. having slightly less money by working less and spending more time with the kid would mean you have to find some free things to do… #worth

there has been a meme making the rounds about “if you work really hard this could be you” with a picture of a gravestone saying you worked hard. dont be that guy <3

i turn my pc off when im not using it to save power; i thought this was normal.

“Waltzing”. cool people dance to 3:3

We need your help, Premature Ejactulation Man!

I’M COMING!

whatever you do, dont visit Steam.

i read the dad voice as Matt Berry, and i dont know why.

im on the other side of this fence. because curtains (im a curtains guy) cover the whole window, i mount them level and let my window look weird. most of the frame is covered by the curtains, so i feel like there is at least some semblance of level somewhere in the house, hehehehe.

deleted by creator

watch him as he goes…

or made sure the annual bonus was a pizza party

<.<

i have a sous vide machine. it always feels so extremely wastedul to use, but it does make really good food. i wish there was an alternative to plastic that i could use :(

i became friends with someone who worked there. even after they quit, i still have the same plan.

unlimited everything, 3 lines, free netflix, free HBO max, $90

employees get like 5 of those plans to give out to friends and family. its worth

OG modem handshake noise

as a milennial who was very much alive and in school in 1995 (~5th grade for me), you may need to reimagine what a boomer is. my parents are boomers, lol.

improvements over the competition are black and white… and a little yellow.

my parents are too religious for me to have children. i will not bring a child into this world while religion is forced on anyone. i will not be having children (married; 40 years old)

i only need 1: Raining Tacos by Perry Gripp.