Lately I’ve been thinking about death: it happens to all of us, it’s something normal, it will happen to me, I could even die tomorrow. Even if I don’t want it, I will die, like everyone else. I’m not exceptional just for being me. No matter how many gods I invent, no matter how many opportunistic preachers I pay because they promise to save me.
I’m just a monkey among 8 billion monkeys, I’m insignificant. Nothing wrong with that. It is what it is.
My life so far: take the path of least resistance. I have a job I don’t like much but I do it good enough so I don’t get fired, I enjoy cooking, fishing, poetry and drawing, hobbies that are cheap. I don’t need to keep up with the joneses.
There seems to be a perception that somebody like me is a loser, lazy, somebody who fails to live up to his potential, maybe I should try to do something exceptional with my finite time on earth, leave a legacy…
But that doesn’t appeal to me. After I die I won’t feel nothing, nor will I care about a legacy, so what’s the point?
Did realizing your time on earth is finite change how you see life?
Feel free to point out if this is me being depressed or if I need to snap out of my misanthropy, as somebody put it. I don’t consider myself depressed but after seeing and reading what humans do to other humans I don’t trust the better angels of our nature can make the world a better place.
What’s in your way of getting a peaceful, boring life?
life itself is getting my way, i always encountered problems after problems, even this year i just lost 4 years of hardwork just because of small mistake. my money also stuck until next year and my mental health is not going better because of this.
Sounds really rough, but also relatable, friend! That thing with things just piling up year after year and you not catching a friggin break ever.
If I may play the world’s smallest violin for a sec: I had a period of 8 years - between 2015 and to 2023 - where my life finally went in the right direction for the first time ever in my life. Spent four years getting my degree and making genuinely good friends for the first time. After I graduated I teamed up with a former classmate and made a company and we had so many jobs and things were friggin awesome for another three years and then that stupid fucking war in Ukraine happened and inflation happened and no one would pay extra for our work so we went from having pretty okay incomes to struggling a tiny bit. And then 2023 happened and some changes occurred that meant I would have to work alone and work for two people by myself for a year. Didn’t get to have days off or hobbies or a social life for a year. Spent all my time and energy to keep this thing afloat alone and then when the year had passed all our clients dropped like flies because they couldn’t afford our services and had to cut their budgets, which was completely understandable. My partner came back and we limped along for awhile. Then we caught a major client who would secure us financially and the job was big so we had to say no to other smaller jobs in order to keep our autumn open. We barely got any income in the first half of 2025 because we had to prepare for the job and there was a ton of legal stuff we needed to learn about to not get screwed over. We were set to start working the first week of August or something like that and the weekend before, literally two days before we started, the company pulled out of the deal with no explanation. That killed our company because we had no jobs now. Lol. We managed, because we always do, to get a few smaller jobs to pay our company bills but we barely got any paychecks for ourselves.
Btw, I had suffered with stress since the end of 2023 and had gone from being an optimistic, social and creative person to being the opposite. When this final blow to our company happened I barely cared, tbh.
Also, meanwhile all this stuff with my company had been going on from autumn 2023 to now spring of 2026, my stupid mother also decided to destroy the family with narcissistic drama and got all of us involved in her bs so I had to basically take care of my elderly parents’ stupid divorce at some point and one of my best friends was cheated on so I had to be her support for most of 2024 while falling apart myself. In my company, we started the process of dissolving it in the beginning of this year. Meanwhile, my siblings started telling me they had cut contact with both our parents because it was revealed that they had systematically been manipulating and lying to us our whole lives, which didn’t surprise me, but what did, was the scope of the lies. Went from thinking my mother was just a bit of a narcissistic loser to genuinely wondering if she had tried to kill some pf us over the years by dripping poison in our ears to destroy our wills to live. Also, in one case, tampering with food to deliberately hurt one of my siblings who has an allergy. And then by June I was tested for breast cancer and I had the pre-stages to it and had my breast cut off entirely in July and in August, I officially “broke up” with my parents.
I dunno what the hell the future holds for me, and I don’t expect much at this point, but I always comfort myself with the knowledge that none of this shit really matters and I get to define and prioritize what matters. I have a garden that my spouse and I sow and plant all kinds of things in to help the insects. My cancer scare brought my siblings back together and we are going to hang out for the first time ever this weekend. Just the five of us. I have work still, and now that I’m back in the hamster wheel, I keep pace with the deadlines. All good stuff. I have days where I feel hopeless. I still don’t have my creative spark back and I’m still not social, but I have found a bit of optimism again and am accepting that things just take time.
I don’t know your situation, of course, but I recognize the feelings of having nonstop adversity. For three years I have had nothing but bad news. Literally, the only good thing that happened up until I got almost-cancer, was that my boyfriend and I moved out of our shitty apartment where we were surrounded by noisy and inconsiderate drunks and moved closer to the countryside and into a little house with a garden. That silly little garden has been the only bright spot in my life for months, right up until I had my breast removed and got my siblings back. Let me tell you how much this silly little garden could brighten my day in early spring when my life was a perpetual chaos and the first little spring flowers escaped the soil! Man, that was the entire reason to live! Listening to woodpeckers and owls and blackbirds singing to their mates. Wonderful. I think it’s the small things that can keep you from going mad, when you’re in the bad karma stretches of life. But yeah, I’m sure you know this. I just hope you have the option to find your little oasis of peace while you struggle your way through these hard times! End of my tiny violin.
What made it impossible to recover the lost work? I’m curious, because I’m sure you would have recovered it if you could have, so it must be pretty bad Dx sending you a digital hug. It’s not much, but I really feel for you! I cannot remotely imagine how absolutely devastated I would feel if I lost four years of work and had no way to get my money until next year 🫠 urgh. Do you have enough savings to get by until then? Sorry if I’m a bit too prodding. You don’t have to answer in case it’s too personal! 🤗🤗🤗
hi there, i just back from another life trouble, really unlucky situation. recently i got third degree burn because of hospital physical theraphy machine and i was hospitalized and operated at same hospital, and have to complaint to the hospital, handle all the process, and rest for 8 days because of it and i still havent got any compensation from them except the medical fee.
life really cruel, isn’t it? i recently lost my hardwork and income just last month and early this month, another trouble happens again, i feel so tired with my life honestly.
i read your story, and i can say that all the good life for 8 years you once had ruined in just 3 years, i am amazed that you still able to survive despite of the nonstop troubles. i cannot imagine if i am in your position, i might be given up already.
Oh my god! 😲 that is awful! Where did you get the burn? I hope nowhere close to your face, friend! I guess the compensation process takes a bit longer to sort through than sending out the bill, lol. Oh man what terrible luck. Is the injured area going to be okay?
I understand that you feel so drained. I would too, if I was in your exact situation. I really hope things turn around for you soon and that you will be able to look back at this period of time and laugh at the absurdity. That’s sometimes how I cope when I feel like it’s all a bit too much.
For myself, and despite trying to hold on to a positive outlook, my confidence that i built up during my 8 good years, is mostly gone. I actually feel embarrassed that I ever believed in myself and that I would do well. I don’t know if I will ever get my confidence back, tbh, but i try to appreciate what I have and accept the things I cannot change. Which is hard.
My meeting with my siblings, that i mentioned, also went well until it didn’t and now i don’t know what will happen in the future. It has affected me a lot this week, but I try to accept that things are going the way they are going.
As always, I turn to my garden when i get sad. It makes me happy even now when all the plants are slowly going into hibernation and the colors dim as the flowers wither. All I can think of is how thrilled I am about the next season and how much the garden will grow and bloom next year.
Nature just does its thing and it has no opinions on anything and it doesn’t care about my petty little problems. It just is. It just does. The endless loop of change. Growth and decay and growth again. It comforts me that I live right in the middle of something that is so much bigger than me and all of humanity together.
I hope you recover well and i really hope you have some good luck in your near future, friend. You deseve it!
the burn is on both of my hands, it is been operated so should be fine i suppose but i dont hope much for compensation since usually hospital wont want to compensate you unless you use lawyer which most likely difficult and costly so aint worth it so yeah what a terrible luck and it doesnt stop there.
just today i go to barbershop and the barber somehow massage my head too strong, now my head is going tense for awhile. i am frustated that even doing simple thing like haircut causes me another trouble and trouble seems to like and find me non stop, what i know is i wont coming back to that barbershop anymore and i feel that going outside is so scary that i prefer staying in my room all time.
thats unfortunate that your meeting doesnt work well but yeah there is always next time, you can arrange another meetup if it is possible. yeah thats how cruel life is, they doesnt even care about us at all.
Ouch, the hands is also a pretty sensitive area! Does it hurt or do you have pain meds? Sucks that you’re not getting compensated and yeah, it doesnt sound like it’d be worth it if you’d have to use a lawyer @,@ that would be so expensive. I do hope you’ll heal up well and still be able to use your hands. Does it hurt to type at all? :o
I mean, i have heard that if a massage is actually working, the muscles should be sore afterwards. I know it sounds super counterproductive, but apparently that is how it works lol. I had an appointment with a fysiotherapist this week and she massaged the muscletissue ariund the area where my breast was cut off, and afterwards, the nerveendings were stinging like little needles and the muscle was a bit sore, which is a good thing. Dunno how it works with scalp massages, though, but there are muscles there too, so maybe your barber hit some tense spots and they will gradually relax over the next couple of days? I hope that will be the case!
Yeah it sucked, and i am still a bit sad about it, but maybe my sibs and I just need a bit of time, since it was a rough day for everybody. It’s not that everybody is now fighting and hate each other. Not at all. Just that a couple of them spoke past each other which lead to some strong reactions. Most of us are still on pretty good footing. I was down about what happened because i had really hoped that things would go smoothly and they did for the most part, until they didn’t. And you are so right! There is always a chance to meet up again.
I dont know if I’d call life/nature cruel. I think it’s very freeing to know that nature has no opinions and no preferences toward anyone. It just is. It makes me feel less anxious about things to know that all of our human made problems don’t really matter when you zoom out. :D
on third degree burn, you dont even feel pain anymore, its numb and actually dangerous because it means all the skin is dead and thats why it have to be operated immediately because it has high risk of infection. also it will leave scars for sure.
i just dont really like massage especially head area, since it cause my head to be sore and tense like rigid to the point i having hard time to relax and sleep. i even almost want to come back to that barbershop for complaint but my family stopped me saying im just looking for another trouble if i done that and its partly my mistake not to stop the barber for massage when its too hurt.
but on same day, around midnight, a random lizard just fell on my body and i have to take a bath because of that. i think at this point i can say i am cursed or something, its not normal for being this unlucky.
yeah relationship takes time, and its hard to maintain them, for me i lost several friends i known for years for no reasons, i just found that i am already unfriended on my social media by them and for me, i just move on because its their choice after all.
well i suprised you still able to zoom out, considering how much things happened to you.
That is pretty intense! :O i do wish you the best with your recovery! I dont know how i’d feel if i ended up injuring my hands like that, but i do think scars are pretty awesome. They prove that you have overcome something in life and that you’re still alive and kicking. I really like my scar where my breast used to be. I’m forever changed, but the change let on my body is a reminder that i survived something difficult. If you find the mental energy for it at some point, you could look at the scars on your hand in the same way. You survived something pretty wild and you have a cool story to go with it.
Yeah, i think itsjust a good thing to say next time you go to a barber, that you just want yiour hair cut and no massage. It’s totally fair to do that. I also think your family has a point. And whuke i dont know you at all, i do sense that you might be stuck in this loop of negative reenforcement. I totally get it, because I have been in one of those before, especially when I had depression in my younger days and everything seemed bleak. It was like all the good things around me were invisible and I only noticed all the bad. It’s not even something i did deliberately when i was really down. It just became a thing because my brain was so stuck on my misery that i didn’t want anything to be better. It wanted to selfdestruct, which is why depression is nothing to scuff at.
Have you been checked for depression, my friend? Maybe you need someone or something to help you guide you out of this spiral you are in because it can’t be fun to feel this awful all the time? You deserve to be happy and to find something to look forward to even when things are difficult like they are right now <3 it doesn’t surlrise me that you’re struggling when you feel like everything is crumbling around you. It’s hard to be hopeful when you feel lost.
I think in my case, I have already gone through what to me was the hardest time of my life when i was young, so everything that comes after that, is somehow less awful than the bad thing in my youth. Even if they are objectively worse now in some ways. I feel better prepared for hard times and i know that after a period of hardship, there always comes something better from it eventually. Every single bad thing that has ever happened to me has resulted in something good later in life either directly or indirectly because i made different choices and learned new lessons.
Every bad, abusive person I have met, has guided me toward finding good people and to appreciate good people a lot more thab i would have, if i had never met bad people.
And i also think that one of the hardest lessons i have had to learn is to let go when i get hurt or go through something hard. I’m definitely not perfect in that area, but it’s sometbing i work on.
You only get one life and while that life is gonna test you, it is in the end up to you to make that lemonade out of those lemons! It’s okay to upset. It’s okay to grieve and rage and all those things when shit is hard, but when it becomes a sport to selfdestruct, that is when you need to reach out and find the help you can’t give yourself so you have a chance to enjoy the time you have left! You really never know when you will never again hug the people you love the most or feel the sun on your face or hearing a piece of music that touches your soul. Depression is the mental equivalent of the immune system attacking the body and it doesn’t have to succeed.
I think you deserve to be happy, friend!